In some ways, this Holy Week looks very different than previous years for many of us.  We are forced to be at home, unable to engage in person with extended family, our community and our church families.  Eight weeks ago, some of us may have been like Peter was many years ago as the disciples gathered for their last supper together with Jesus.  We may have been thinking, God what do you want me to do - with my time, my resources, my effort, my heart? Before the repercussions of Judas’ betrayal became clear, Peter was all in.  He told Jesus he would follow him anywhere - essentially saying, what do you want me to do?  Peter didn’t really understand what was coming.  Peter’s initial reaction to Jesus’ arrest was aggressive, cutting the ear off of one of the men that had come to take Jesus away.  Jesus calmed Peter’s spirit and told him this wasn’t the way.  I’m sure Peter’s heart sank as he watched Jesus being taken away.  The man in whom he placed his trust, didn’t allow him to do what he could do best - defend him.  Peter was unaware of what Jesus was doing, of what Jesus understood to be necessary.  So, as he watched, a new emotion replaced aggressiveness - fear.  The man for whom  he had left everything, was no longer right there with him.  Just as Jesus predicted, Peter’s fear led him to deny Jesus three times.  The protector and defender became the fearful denier. 

Now especially, it is very easy for fear to take over.  The reality is all times are uncertain; we just perceive them from a place of relative, but false, control. For me, it is interesting that Covid-19 appears to be at its worst in the middle of Holy Week.  I don’t say this as if it is something God created to teach us a lesson. Rather, in the midst of difficulty, uncertainty, acknowledged lack of control,  there is an opportunity to be humbled - humbled to be able to listen, learn and understand our calling as God’s people. 

Peter, the great fighter and defender, became controlled by fear and denied the One who gave him a new life and purpose.  We could look at Peter and think how dare he?  How could he turn his back on Jesus? But don’t we do the same every single day?  Don’t we also turn our back on Jesus when we begin to let fear become the defining characteristic of who we are? The beauty of Peter’s story is not just that Christ came to save sinners like him, but that he used his denier, to be the rock on which the church was built.  Peter’s story, like ours, is not a straight line. It begins as a lost fisherman who is found by Jesus.  It continues with Peter growing deeply as a follower, disciple and leader. And then, at a critical point, when he has the opportunity to show the depth of his commitment to Jesus, his faith wavers when he sees Jesus taken away. Not only is he discouraged, but he outright denies three times having even been with Jesus or even knowing him! The rock on whom the church would be built had fear and sin woven through his story. Yet Jesus ultimately offered and Peter accepted forgiveness, grace and restoration.

You see, the emotion of fear is not wrong. It is a trigger for us to be appropriately cautious in our actions, in our thoughts. Like Peter, however, we have a choice to step out of the fear - from an inward focus of false security and safety, to a transformed heart, that says in the words of Psalm 23:4, “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

This Thursday of Holy Week - the day of the Passover feast with Jesus and the disciples, the day on which Judas betrays and Peter denies Jesus, we have a choice.  We have a decision to be defined by our fear and live inwardly and only look out for ourselves and those we are closest to, or we say, even though I fear, I know freedom and it is in that freedom that Christ can shape me, mold me and use me to be a light in the darkness.

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May we each be encouraged by Peter’s fear, denial and redemption this Thursday.